Deconstructing the Emotional Walls

A friend was having a bad day and wallowing in despair. Of lately I practice going through the storms of negative emotions instead of running away from it so I encouraged my friend to express himself and feel his emotions fully, he said, ‘’I want to cry, but the tears aren’t coming out.’’ It sounded so odd but the truth is that it happens, and it’s not too healthy.

In our initial years, every emotion was expressed unhindered. As we grow up the situations shaped our thoughts and actions. Some older children and adults are unable to express their emotions and this habit slowly and unconsciously built a wall. An emotional wall. A wall is built to separate us from the outside. The problem with it is that the wall stops not only the bad but also the good from coming in.

People with high emotional walls generally:
- Can’t name or feel their emotions and other’s emotions
- suppressing emotions by indulgence in other activities,
- feel numb,
- Avoid facing their feelings
- they don’t express themselves sometimes even to romantic partners
- they can’t feel deep joy and deep hurt,
- People can’t understand them

Releasing emotions is important to keep our insides clean.

Some reasons the emotional walls are built can be due to
- Unkind words from people,
- A belief that nobody would understand
- Notions such as ‘boys should not cry’
- A non-acceptance we faced when we tried to express ourselves,
- Fear of conflicts,
- A shocking, painful or traumatic experience,
- Feeling unworthy of love or understanding.

As humans, we are forever on a Ferris wheel called Life. Going through ups and downs. Name one person who didn’t face a bad experience in life? For whatever reasons we built walls, we can deconstruct them too.

Deconstruction methods can be:
- Facing uncomfortable emotions
- Allow yourself to be Vulnerable
- Come to terms with what happened, if possible
- Visit a therapist or a safe space to express yourself without fear of judgement
- Journal about the situations that caused the walls
- Be easy on yourself and your body
- Trust in the possibility of healthy relationships
- Catch wrong thoughts and turn them around
- Do things you fear and widen your comfort zone until you step out of it

If nothing else, then watch a sad movie and let the tears flow! ;)
These activities do work and it gets better with practice. While we are on this Ferris Wheel, Being open brings creativity, joy, love and adventure. That makes the ride memorable.

Author: Devanshi Gala | Publisher: Kosha Life