Rehan asked Mea, “Why are you so clingy and cranky over everything? Look at Sara, Ram’s girlfriend, she’s a packet of laughter, she’s always smiling.”
Ram said to Sara, “Why are you so lazy and selfish? Look at Mea, she’s so quick, she manages everything so well. She’s so selfless, I mean, in all get togethers she’s the one who takes care of everyone and does all the running about for the community to have an awesome get together.”
In the above examples, Rehan is comparing Mea with Sara, and Ram is comparing Sara with Mea, they both are different individuals and have their own good skills/qualities and not so-good qualities. So, is anyone ideal. We tend to compare with someone and that someone is being compared by someone else, it’s a chain, an everlasting loop, and halts at a famous proverb that says, “The other side is ALWAYS GREENER.” That is why we are constantly comparing and criticizing!
So here’s the thing, the other side is NOT greener, it cannot be, it only LOOKS greener because you are looking at it from a distance, you do not know them, you can never be in somebody else’s situation fully, nor are you fully aware of their experiences. They say, put your feet in others shoes in order to understand/empathize with them, but do we really do that? Do we really have time and energy to put ourselves in somebody else’s shoes in order to compare? No, we just tend to compare without reflecting deeply in all the angles.
We need to understand that the people whom we have in our lives are way more beautiful and flawless than those present in our head. All we need to do is accept people’s flaws, that’s what any relationship is about right? Acceptance!
Now does this mean, that we shouldn’t ask or tell our loved one’s to improve? We want our loved one’s to change for good, to improve, we want to see them grow, so what if we compare? It’s only to help them right? Of course yes! A room has to be created for change, by simply saying accept people as they are, would things work? No, we are all subjected to change, and we need to accept our flaws and work towards them, but comparing isn’t the only way to instigate the change, when comparison instigates change, in most of the cases, it only hurts people and leaves them with scars.
What can we actually do instead of comparing?
- COMMUNICATE the things in a manner where the front person understands and accepts, rather than being a critic. Do NOT use the names of any PERSON for comparison while communicating.
- Understand each individual is UNIQUE and accept them the way they are, then make a room for them to change. Be Patient and kind.
- Remember change that happens with love is blooming to the persons soul, but if it happens with hurt, the change may fill the person with negativity, guilt and regret. Choose LOVE.
So, next time before you compare someone with someone else, ask yourself a question. “Am I perfect?” Maybe this question will give you a quick answer and save you from some deep reflections on why you are not supposed to COMPARE!
Author: Ritika D'souza | Publisher: Kosha Life