Read Time: 2 mins 40 secs
I clearly remember that until my 10th birthday, every year on Durga Ashtami people used to call me for offerings and Kanya pooja. And then suddenly one day, all of these beautiful events stopped. I felt left out and disturbed so I asked my mom why has this all changed. “You have grown up now,” she replied.
I was shocked and numb at the same time because a thirteen-year-old girl had now become the point of discussion. Within a few days, she grew up from a kid to a girl, a girl who was no longer a goddess, a girl who was now a liability, a goddess who had started to lose her power.
I had a lot of superpowers. I used to laugh at my will, dance in the middle of the road, sing my heart out and I was the most expressive child from the beginning. But as I grew up, I learned that laughing out loud, dancing in the rain, and singing to the sky would not make me a good girl. I learned that being opinionated was no less a crime for a girl as we have no say in any of the decisions.
Slowly, I got the hang of all these behaviors. I was living but I wasn't alive. They snatched away my right to wear the clothes of my choice. I bowed down to their will. And then one fine day, they chose my life partner. Because only they knew what and who was the right match for me. I WAS NOW “GHAR KI LAKSHMI” who was entirely dependent on her life partner for her survival. And the bare minimum powers that I had were gone. And to earn the badge of a good daughter-in-law, a good wife, and a good mother I kept giving away all that I had until a day when I strongly felt a void inside of me.
I kept asking myself what went wrong, why was I feeling this way. However, I wasn't prepared for the answer because somewhere deep down I knew it. I tried to console myself with constant chatter in my mind like all this was normal. You are doing nothing special. Look around and you would find millions of women like yourself. And it was right. I observed that thousands of women were living a life of other people’s projections. They too had voices but couldn't speak for themselves, they too had feet but fettered heavily, they too had dreams but locked up in a box. THEY ALSO HAD OPINIONS THAT NEVER MADE IT TO A CONVERSATION TABLE.
My soul could feel the tremors of all the shattered dreams that came to me as an awakening. For the first time in years, I chose to stop, took a deep breath, and felt alive. I made it a point to go easy. Sooner, I felt the urge to love myself, to caress and wear a beautiful dress. I took on the path of self-love which then led to self-discovery. This road to homecoming was hard enough but not impossible. The tunnel was indeed dark and long that had to come to an end. I gradually made shifts, decided to take up a career, stop caring about other's opinions of me, and make conscious choices.
Now with every sunrise, I chose to dance with the clouds and sing with the winds. I HAVE FINALLY MET THE GODDESS WITHIN ME. AND THE GODDESS IS NOW CLAIMING HER POWERS BACK. IF I CAN DO IT, YOU SURE CAN TOO!
Author: Charu Rajpal | Publisher: Kosha Life