“OH! Look at those horns on your head. Two deep-red, sharp-pointed horns”. My voice was fretful enough for my daughter to rush on to the mirror. “Where! What! Which horns are you talking of Momma”? She sounded anxious. Well!! It's sad my dear but those would only be visible to the people you have lied to. The liar himself can't see these horns. Anyways, I can clearly see them growing until you confess your lie”.
That day she gave in, but as she grew up, this habit of lying got intensified and everything from moral chapters to naughty Pinocchio seemed not to work that well.
And now she had started to lie on the minutest of things which made me lose my temper. I yelled, cried, slapped, threatened her, and had also stopped talking to her for days in a row. But, was this of any use??? NO!!!!
Slowly, my thoughts were clogged with self-judgment, shame, frustration, irritation, and whatnot. All of this was the result of the mindset where we are made to believe that slamming your child for acting wrong is the evidence of correct parenting. And while I was trying to fit into these norms, there was something that did not feel right.
While I trying to look past the obscure layer of years of conditioning, my mind was they say, the answers that you look for are looking for you too. I chanced upon a beautiful article which transformed my life for the better.
So, here I am to talk about why children choose to lie. And there is one thing that I need from all my readers.
TO LOOK BEYOND THEIR LIES!!!
Being a parent is hard at times as we are always in search of some tricky ways to handle sensitive issues with simplicity. And your little one lying is one of those complex issues. So, let's dive into their minds and explore what it is that makes them lie to us.
- What will it take me to make my parents accept me and endear me completely?
- How can I be seen by my caregivers?
There are many such questions which create turmoil in those tiny brains. Children lookout for attention, love, and validation from elders and can go a great length to receive the same. But on the other side, they desire to have an individualistic approach too. Consequently, their aim to have the best of both worlds create a conflict that often ends up in a lie. Such lies are often told for self-interest or for any small reason like eating an extra piece of donut. So, one part of them knows what they want and the other one wouldn't want to disappoint us.
And 90% of the time we as parents start to correct their behavior on the outside just like I did. We teach them lessons of honesty, truth, and whatnot. But what if we help them look inwards.
Our kids fabricate lies to be able to fit in the stereotypes of “a good child”. However, if we allow them to accept their flaws and mistakes with pride, and assure them of our unconditional love for them, that is when we will raise confident and successful adults.
We as parents first need to understand that there is no such thing as perfect parenting and that our aim is not to be a superhero but to be available, to show up, to be present for our kids.
It's time we, along with our kids learn to throw light on every dark and shady aspect of our life and be in awareness and acceptance of it completely. Be with us as we bring various aspects of parenting and let us know if you resonate with us in the comment section. Till then, stay safe, explore the child within you and enjoy
Love and Light.
Author: Charu Rajpal | Publisher: Kosha Life
Thanks for the great article, I would like to share my two cents worth of opinion, time is the biggest currency in present times and it has different value for different situations, the most memorable good memories are the most precious in terms of time and bad experiences have the lowest currency value even if the time for both is the same, hence the quality of time spent together with kids is more important, I am not the perfect parent and I try to spend as much time with kids and try to make it meaningful.
At the same time we are too engrossed in becoming the perfect parent we fail to realise that there is no right or wrong answer for anything at least from a parenting stand point, I wish I can be mahavir singh Phogat, amitabh bachan, harvir singh nehwal what distinguishes them from the rest of the word is making sure that their kids had the best grit and perseverance than rest of the kids.
I would like to give the gift of grit and perseverance to my own daughters with zero expectation about anything else.
Keep on writing, it inspires people like me to think deep than just swin on the surface.